Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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