this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
