Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
