I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
