he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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