I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
