OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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