I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
