she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
