I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
tell me about the eggs
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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