i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
this will be a night to untag.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
