we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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