do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
People with herpes should wear stickers.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
