so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize