The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I didn't notice because vodka
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
