i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
