the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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