this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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