i just sent this text using only my big toe
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
