Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
