meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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