i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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