Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Randomize
