I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
