Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
