Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
