Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
