this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
