I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
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