your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize