Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
