my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
