I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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