I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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