My friends, they love my intelligence
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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