so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
