bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
