Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
