i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
