woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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