So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
