By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
