He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
soo... how was my night?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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