Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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