I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I just threw up on my dentist
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
