My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
