when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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