I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
