This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
If I die, sorry about rent.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
