How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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