She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
