38 yer olds are good kisserssss
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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