the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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