I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
