Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Two words: nipple clamps
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