Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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