I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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