new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize