Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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