He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
