I'm laying in your front yard are you home
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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