I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize