she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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