Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
