I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
