she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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