...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
