Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize