Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
