I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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