My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Randomize
