i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
zippers are such a cool invention
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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