he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I think people are normalizing furries
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Dear god my vagina.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
