At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
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