Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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