I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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