ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
