I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
