I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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