Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
so much tequila, so little girl.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize