your thong is hanging out like whoa
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
