i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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