I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
