Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
