Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
