Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
