i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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