I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
