i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize