I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
